Irishman in Asia

Judged: Lotte World

2010-05-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

Four out of five (80%) people agree, Lotte World is a good place (5th person is taking the picture, naturally). I didn't even have to use a computer machine to figure out that figure. Figures. Can you tell who didn't care for it?

Lotte World is a place where magic flows and dreams come true. A tiny indoor and outdoor theme park in the middle of Jamsil in Seoul, Korea. It has a castle, raccoon mascots and Disney's still pulsing heart powering it all. The problem is, the heart was willing to make something grand and unusual but the body is six feet under. I suppose if you hit the jump you will fall into a rabbit hole only to come out in China instead of Wonderland.
The trip to Lotte World is filled with peril, especially if you go on a Saturday. The subway is filled to the frame on the subway door, almost bursting at the seems. We managed to push ourselves into the bloated transport and hoped no one from outside the train felt a need to go on a shooting spree as the term 'fish in a barrel' would best be used to describe our ten minute trip.

Once the doors open, we gasped for air and poured out the entrance into Jamsil station. A grand place if you could imagine subway stations being grand - aside from Grand Central. Still, it's pretty swanky nonetheless.

Yes, you are now in Lotte World's subway station. Let's be honest, it should be called Lotte World Station not Jamsil Station.

The scene from the entrance to the terminal is as nice as it looks. It even has a fairly large subway mall to boot! Not to mention the world class hotel, theme park, department store, discount store, above ground mall, duty free shop and movie theater. Phew. Almost asphyxiated myself from typing all those features. There's other little odds-n-ends you'll find all over the place too, but those are the main features.

My friends and I visited the theme park. I'll have to do an overview of the hotel later on, but there was too much to do for one day, though I will say I did see a majority of the park. However, I digress. We walked a short ways directly to a ticket booth in the subway which gave us access to the indoor park and subsequently the outdoor one as well. Before passing through the booth, I noticed something odd. An employees name tag beared a similar resemblance to another name tag I once wore. Hm. I took a picture.

Compare this...

...to this

Disney's is a nicer in the design aspect but the shape is the exact same. Oh well, it's just a name tag, it's not like the whole park is Disney themed. Right?

The indoor park was immediately bypassed by the five of us. The weather was nice and we wanted to get in the thick of it! Upon coming out of the indoor area the monorail passed us by on it's way to the station. That second, I thought, "Hey I love the monorail in Disney!" and then it hit me like a sack of bricks, I finally saw the name of the outdoor theme park: Magic Island.

Incredible...

But wait, what could be more incredible than spin off of Magic Kingdom?

Astounding...

In case you couldn't tell this is Cinderella's Castle. Just checkin'.

At this point you might think I'm nothing but a punk with an elitist taste for Disney Commercialism. Well, you'd be partially correct but it needs to be restated: I liked Lotte World a lot. Now, to continue.

We crossed the bridge towards the castle and kept moving to get in line for the space themed roller coaster. However, the line was over an hour wait! What a surprise, a theme park having long lines. Narae and Karen were nice enough to stay in line for the roller coaster while Susan, James and I hopped in line for the Waikiki Wave! The line was short enough that we'd make it back in no time! I videotaped most of the rides we went on but unfortunately, Google has disabled uploading videos in Korea due to a Real Name Verification Law. So, I guess until I can transfer these to my brother, I'll have to give my best description of the ride.

Waikiki Wave

Waikiki wave is your basic State Fair ride with some new flair! Instead of going for the more intense ride, called "Topspin," where the arms rotate the car in circles as the car itself rotates, it goes gently turns and moves the car as though it were a wave. Imagine a kid with a Strech Armstong trying to show his friends how far he can strech his arms. The kid struggles as he begins to reach his limits and his elbows buckle slightly. Also the kid has a hard time keeping the doll's arms parallel to the ground. That is the Waikiki Wave. I gave it a 6/10 because it was a neat idea, not thrilling in the least but enjoyable and pleasant. Also, it lacked presentation as the queue was a simple line with nothing to do or admire aside from the wave like motions of the ride.

We snuck back in line for the roller coaster and almost got eaten by wild mechanical animals! Well, one clipped my foot for sure. Damn thing hurt.

Rideable Dalmatians. Give me a rideable Raptor anyday.

I'd love to continue but it's getting late and it's time to give some people a call. Consider this to be a multiple parter.

Sunday Herald

2010-05-09T01:29:00.000-07:00

What has been going on in Korea the past week or two? Well, you're about to find out. In this weekly or bi-weekly perusing of the going-ons on this neat little peninsula.

We all know Starcraft is a big deal in Korea but the Starcraft 2 Beta that came out not too long ago is another monster. Hardcasual

South Korea, known for an exceptionally high national APM rating (actions per minute), now stands like an ant hill, a barren exterior enclosing a population busying beneath with menial labor. But while an ant colony’s actions provide for the greater good, these South Koreans engage in self-centered Player vs Player matches, unflappable in their pursuit of nothing more than a commendable win/loss ratio.

Another Cheonan story. Now it's 100% undeniable, the Cheonan was sunk by a torpedo. Korean Herald

The birthrate in Korea is one of the lowest in the world. However, the best part is that to try and alleviate the issue the government is setting up blind dates between government agencies and private companies such as Lotte. Korean Hearld

Apparently dropping alcohol into a cup of another form of alcohol is becoming a fad here in Korea. With drinks like Poktangju (beer and soju) and various types of 'bomb' drinks in Korea and around the world, North Korea joins the fray with "Courage Drinks". Daily NK

What does Kim Jeong Il fear? You name it. Read this or face nightly ideological instruction Daily NK

North Korean defectors pissed at Kim Jeong Il; Send balloons across the border. Luckily they are not Space Balloons like this or shit might go down. Daily NK

A ton of interesting picture to be found here of none other than North Korea! You don't see many pictures from this place so check them out before they vanish like a man in a black shroud. North Korea Blog

The Marmot's Hole has a small but interesting article on a statue in a park. Boring stuff normally, but Samsung put their logo on a national hero's statue. Outrage! The Marmot's Hole

The Touring Machine: Part Deux

2010-05-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

The not-so-theoretical touring machine continues! This time around we're checking out The National Museum of Korea, N-Seoul Tower and Myeongdong, though I have little to say about Myeongdong since we spent very little time there due to time constraints. Maybe that's another topic for another day. In the mean time, take a look at ancient emoticons and guardrails that lover's don't want you to steal.

After the palace we hopped back on the bus and took a trip to The National Museum of Korea. It's a huge place overlooking the Northern parts of the city. Imagine taking a panoramic picture of half the city, that's what they view is like form the 'deck' between the theater and exhibits. What's this? Oh wow, a picture of said scene:

While a panoramic shot, standard picture takin' did the job just fine. Sadly, with typical photography you miss out on the view which was breath taking to say the least, especially at night. Also pictured is the N-Seoul Tower, which, sadly isn't as tall as you might think is but still a nice sight. It kind of reminds me of the scene from the Grand Floridian Wedding Pavilion, where you can see Cinderella's Castle in the distance through a clearing in the trees.

Not only does the museum boast an incredible view (you can see where we took that last picture through the gaping gap in the building), but they also have a reflecting pool in the front. It was windy that day, so there isn't much crystal clear reflecting going on. The Gazebo in the middle was nice to sit in for a while to get out of the sun too.

The museum is a lot bigger than it looks. The sense of scale in this photo isn't the best, however there is 137,201 ㎡ of floor space in the museum. Compare that to the Smithsonian which is 418,050 ㎡. A museum that is based solely on Korea in a country that is a fraction of the size of the U.S. I find it impressive.

Sadly, we were unable to take pictures of what was going on in the museum but I did manage to take a few which made me laugh. These were taken on the first floor of the museum in the Ancient Korea exhibit. Stickin' it to the museums one picture at a time.

Ancient Korean Soldier is unimpressed with Ancient Korean emoticons

Before we left the museum though, we inspected the gazebo near the reflecting pool. Turns out, you can't wear your shoes inside it, whoops! Won't be making that mistake again. I even got closer to the water to check it out, see if anything interesting was going on in there. There wasn't much aside from the occasional 'wishing' coin and random pair of boots. Weird. Oh, and I almost fell in.

The museum, it was impressive to say the least. They had a whole room dedicated to the crown that used to be worn by kings during the Old Silla Period. To say it was ornate would be an understatement. It also happens to be the 191st National Treasure of Korea. I think the Tiger is a National Treasure of Korea too among the boat load of other things.

Well, if the guards he had couldn't protect him at least the King could have lowered his head, ran full speed and gored the invaders. Function over form, nice.

Lastly, one of the more intriguing things was the jar coffin. Used during the Three Kingdoms Period, corpses were put into one of these bad boys and sealed up. Actually, this was located in the Starcraft section of the museum and had the tag which read: "Jar coffine used in the Three Kingdoms Period and subsequently used to incubate Kerrigan."

For the Swarm!

Alright, I'm done writing this for the day. I think I'll make a part three next week with N-Seoul Tower and the few things I have from Myeongdong.

Redlight Entertainment

2010-04-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

Lee Mi Sook - Proof that Asians, are, in fact, better than white chicks. Now I just need to get a job in construction with the mob.

It's official, Hollywood may not be as sleazy as I thought it was. You could say I'm not one of the gossiping types, however the Korean Herald has a pretty staggering report about Korean actresses and what exactly many of their jobs entail.

In the survey conducted by the Korean Women’s Development Institute last year on 111 actresses, 60.2 percent of respondents answered that they had been asked to sleep with rich and powerful figures...also said that such “sponsor” relationships are quite common

Man oh man! What some men would do to get a piece of these ladies! Apparently, you just have to strike it rich, be an asshole and commit some form of sexual harassment and/or assault, then, BOOM you're golden! You got yourself one of the sexiest ladies in Korea.

More startling facts here!

Thanks to mehdi for this post and the rest of Asianbiz blog, good stuff.

The Touring Machine: Part 1

2010-04-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I just called myself a Touring Machine, not to be confused with the device made by Allan Turing. Why? Well, that's what I did for a couple days two weeks back. There are some pretty cool sights here in Seoul like N-Seoul Tower, Gyeongbokgung Palace and Myeongdong to name a few. Go Turing, ah, Touring too by interwebbing with me below.

First stop, Gyeongbokgung Palace to see the changing of the guards. However, they only do it every so often which gave us plenty of time to snoop around.

It's huge tom!

The entrance to the palace grounds were crowed! Plenty of people standing around, coming and going into and out of the giant gate. "Royal guards" were on duty, looking mean as shit while taking pictures with pedestrians, which was cute. Don't ask me how something as badass as a royal guard who doesn't smile could be cute. You have to remember: this is Asia after all, the home of things which are cute and probably shouldn't be. There is also a huge drum over to our left that is out of picture. I would have been a typical tourist and drummed on it for kicks, but those guards were too frightening.

Despite me paying homage to the man who created Hangul, I still know next to nothing. I blame him.

Once we breached the gate we walked a slight ways and came across this neat-o statue. Once again, as is most things, the description was in Korean despite the fact that this whole area is practically meant for tourists. We did get some information though! Apparently, this is Sejong the Great, creator of Hangul or 한글, if you prefer. The language was created by him around 1443 and still gives westerners trouble to present day. What a nice guy.

Narae violating history.

Just beyond that thar statue lay the palace! It's quite ornate, so much to the point where they put chicken wire over some of artistry just below the roof. Ya know, because chicken wire will stop a rock from being hurled at it. I probably would have thrown a pebble at it if I was so inclined but I'll leave that to the pros because there are cameras everywhere! Also, notice where Narae is standing. It's a raised walkway from the palace gates. Back in the day, no one was allowed on this walkway except for the king and few approved officials. Man, that must have sucked if you needed to get to the other side as the walkway bisects the palace grounds. A more historical view of healthy steps?

Wait, what's that? I hear clamoring near the main gate. The changing of the guards is about to start! Run, it can't be missed!

Hey wait. I thought changing of the guards happened in London and they wore tall, fuzzy hats. Oh wait, this is Korea. Duh.

Well, that was it really. There wasn't a whole lot to see that we had time for since we were on a schedule. We did manage to get into some costumes and become high powered military Generals for about five minutes, they we were ordered to take them off and give them back. So much for having power.

How embarrassing, I'm changing here!

Sound the alarm! Foreigners are attacking our town and I think they sunk our battleship!

Now that the alarm has been sounded, do the robot and wait.

Well, They Avoided a Direct Hit...

2010-04-25T02:23:00.000-07:00

...however, they still sank. According to a Korean paper written in English, The Korean Herald, the ongoing investigation into how and why the South Korean ship, Cheonan, is now 20,000 leagues under the sea has been followed by just about every Korean I have come across. Apparently, the ship was never meant to be directly hit in the first place. Read the story here. Speculation and conspiracy ahoy!

Bitches don't know 'bout my Cheonan, that's the truth. No one really knows all that much about what happened, until the government finally put out a statement:

"Instead of being directly hit by a torpedo or other underwater weapon, the Cheonan was affected by a strong explosion that occurred below its bottom at a close range."

It would appear that explosions occur naturally because North Korea has this to say about the whole thing:

“The belligerent maniacs of the South Korean puppet military authorities and rightist conservative politicians are foolishly plotting to relate the unfortunate event to us since they cannot identify the real cause of the incident.”

After giving his statement, the unknown North Korean military official slipped in this picture.

If you are unfamiliar with the story, here is a nice quick recap of what happened on March 26th from Now Public.

ROKS Cheonan (PCC-772) sank near Baengnyeong Island in Yellow Sea last in night, potentially setting up a dangerous diplomatic situation. The ship started sinking around 9:30 PM local time on March 26 after an explosion at the rear end. A rescue operation has been launched. Fifty eight sailors have been rescued so far. The cause of sinking is unknown, but a torpedo attack from North Korea is not ruled out.

There has been a media frenzy and strong social inquiry as to what officially happened. The government will not confirm anything, and I mean anything. They are being very tight lipped about this one as to not point blame.

Some say it was a North Korean sub that launched a torpedo, others, a mine. However, maybe it was the South Korean government. Who knows!

Also, may I note the slogan of the North Korean newsite: "Brightening the future of Korea." Man, that is quite hilarious check out how bright their economy is!

EDIT: New stuff! Maybe it was a torpedo or a mine. Still, other than that, no one knows. Besides, what's most important here isn't how the ship capsized, it's who attacked the ship. Maybe one day we will find out but if the government has it's way, the info may as well be at the bottom of the sea with the sailors who are MIA.

YO BRO YOU TROLLIN'!!!

2010-04-21T07:24:00.000-07:00

The Korean Hearld, my favorite English paper in Korea, picked up an article by Mr. Garrison Keillor. He speaks the stuff the Trolls and performs his Trollspeak quite well. Why does he remind me of Roger Ebert? Who knows! Do the click thing on the link to read moar because the moar the you know....

I'm going to take this piece by piece.

"I travel around a lot"

Okay, cool, cool, me too.

"...but one does learn things from spending time in the company of strangers, such as the fact that too many young American men suffer from a desperate lack of social skills."

"[I'm talking about] The simple art of extending yourself in a friendly manner to someone you don’t know."

It's cause most American men look up to one of the best socializers of all time. Wait a minute.

"Young women get the hang of this more easily..."

Apparently he trolls for poonaner too. Impress 'em with money instead I always say, not sly comments...

What happened? Are these sullen boys the victims of feminism, marginalized, repressed, just because they have testicles?...Maybe the prevalence of texting among the young is making them inarticulate.

sul·len [suhl-uhn]
–adjective
1.showing irritation or ill humor by a gloomy silence or reserve.
2.persistently and silently ill-humored; morose.
3.indicative of gloomy ill humor.
4.gloomy or dismal, as weather or a sound.
5.sluggish, as a stream.

"you’re missing one of the pleasures of life and narrowing your world severely, as if you’d taken vows of silence in the Order of Yo Bro."

Yes, that is original content my friend.

"men wired to beat other men senseless with clubs and seize the big butt of the wild swine carcass and thereby win the loyalty of the large-breasted, blue-eyed babe who is wired to mate with a winner, not a loser"

Big breasted, blue eyed babe? I'm sorry sir, Asians don't naturally have blond hair or blue eyes. I am appalled. However, those are good too.

"We can talk L8R about bad spelling and whassup with the acronyms -- my concern is that electronics, which seem to open up new vistas in the world, may be shutting us down."

This is the worst thing to happen to music since most American males started using cellphones, playing video games and becoming more effeminate using iPads.

Okay, that's it. I thought this would be a nice way to say I'll be posting more about Korean news (though this is hardly Korean news, it was just to funny to ignore though in the opinions section) if I can find it in English. My Korean isn't nearly good enough to understand a normal newspaper so expect most of it to come from the Korean Herald!

Blossoming Children's Grand Park

2010-04-18T00:57:00.000-07:00

A park for adolescent kids? Well, kind of. This is Children's Grand Park, which celebrates the youth, in Seoul during the Cherry Blossom Festival. Sadly, I didn't get any shots from Yeouido but from what I know, Children's Grand Park is just as beautiful, minus the food vendors and plus the hormones....go ahead, keep reading!

First, before we get to the park itself, this is the time of year when the Cherry Tree's blossom. It only lasts for about one or two weeks, which is a shame, because the foliage really is a sight to behold. As far as a I know, the Cherry Blossom Festival started as a Japanese thing and is now known as Hanami. A word which means "flower viewing," and appropriately named, people go to see the trees, their blossoms and the food. Sounds a lot like the New York State Fair, go there eat the food and see the hilarious rednecks make fools of themselves...it's a shame the NYSF isn't as beautiful though. Unfortunately, I don't know why the Koreans celebrate a Japanese type festival but they love how they look just as much, if not more so. There are multiple places for the blossoming eye candy around Seoul but Yeouido and Children's Grand Park seem to be the better places

Hmm, which one is the Cherry Blossom? Either way, nice stuff anyway!

Close up!

As for the park, it's gigantic. I was there for about two hours and only saw about half. There is a petting zoo, a place to ride camels and rent bikes, a Wizard of Oz themed playground (amongst numerous other playgrounds), a highly modable stage named DOM Theatre, a Poro (a popular kids show staring none other than Poro) themed - four story tall - building, lake and extremely inappropriate statues.

Upon entering the park, on the left there are numerous, painted, Haechi - a mythical creature from Korea's past which has represented the country since 2009. On the opposite side are various forms of enlarged bugs which are much more cartoony looking and have a simplified paint job as compared to the Haechi. There are tons of people in the way too. It reminded me of Animal Kingdom being 3/4 capacity, that's quite crowded.

Seoul's guardian and symbol, The Haechi....

...turned into this. I dare you to disrupt order in Seoul...

As you walk into the park further on the main road the fountain of all trick fountains lies smack dab in your path blowing water all over the place and making the ordinary seem extraordinary.

Prettiful

However, for me, what stole the moist show was what lied just behind the fountain. A set of four statues paying homage to the nations youth. The first was three or four stark naked babes clinging to a bare chested woman, probably their mother. The second, pretty much the same but the kids were in a different order. The fourth was simply a couple kids playing. The third however, was the best. Three nudist children playing and riding on a dolphin. Ya know, I think I'm going to take a trip on a boat and invite Tallahassee Pain and see what he and his shipmates might say about this statue.

I'm on a dolphin, doin flips n' shit

After a few laughs and an instant hilarious memory we moved on. We decided to go on the circular path since it was going to be impossible to see the whole park with this many people here for the flowers. I thought it would be a nice time to take a picture of the people who decided to join me.

From the left, Narae, Karen and Jamesoo. He's hoggin' all the girls with his British accent. What a slag.

Everything was breath taking really. It's rare that I see flowers that actually impress me, especially when they are not part of the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow's Garden and Flower Festival. We strolled along passing through a big gate with silhouette monkeys on the top, I think that was the entrance to zoo! The problem with the zoo was that there were no animals! They cages were empty as they were renovating most of it so the carnivores and herbivores weren't on show, which is just about every animal in existence. They did however have the camel ride going.

Kids and parents on a camel, riding in it's natural zoo habitat.

Beyond the Zoo were a bunch of small fields which lined the path. Families were playing with balls, having picnics and generally just having a grand old time. There was even this badass kid who was passed a ball by a girl. The boy looked at the ball as it sailed past him, he stared at the girl for a moment and ran away. Way to go kid, girls love that type of treatment, especially when you get older. It keeps em' coming back for more!

It was in this part of the park where jaws dropped.

Nice.

We laughed a whole bunch, kept moving and stopped one more time for two more interesting sights:

The first sight being the coolest and most debilitating jungle gym ever, followed by...

the best statue in the park. At one point they all touched that nice golden ball which turned out to be an egg upon closer inspection.

Really, that was about it. We didn't get to try any of the normal festival fare since those were over in Yeouido but at least we got to see a great spectacle. If you're over here this time of year, be sure to check out the wonderful scenery. I leave you now with various sights to behold.

Peta's favorite. Ducklings for sale outside the park.

Base Camp! HOOAH!

2010-04-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Korean Universities are quite the place. Students actually study as though their life depended on it, tuition is expensive and all freshman have to attend Base Camp. Wait, what? The initiation begins the second you hit the jump. GO GO GO!

I have solid intel that Korean freshman girls have it tough. It came from a trusted source, a Korean woman who happens to be a senior at her university. She informed me of something called, Base Camp. It's similar to that of fraternity or sorority pledging, an initiation with plenty of drinking. From her reports, I wouldn't go so far as to say there is more drinking during Base Camp but I certainly would say the process applies to a lot more people than just willing pledges.

According to my source, this is a "training" for Freshman. Each schools Base Camp is usually unique and differs from major to major. However, each major usually has some form of initiation. Miss. Korea, as she will hence forth be known as, is apart of a Liberal Arts major. The following is a description of their Base Camp.

You know this place, right....

Early in the semester, Seniors organize a party for the new Freshmen. While they are all there they play games and drink, nothing special really. The point is to get the Freshmen acquainted with one another, innocent enough. However, at some point during the whole shebang, the Seniors give them something called a FM, or Field Manual. It's exactly what it sounds like; information on what is expected of them. It also contains a song which represents their major, an anthem, if you will. Freshmen are expected to remember the whole FM and song. After receiving their FM, they study it, commit it to memory and are forced to stand in line and recite the FM to the Seniors followed by giving their flawless rendition of the majors anthem. If you screw up, you drink some soju. Plain and simple. You do well, you're done.

....Oh, you don't? DRINK! Study your FM!

That was the first phase. A few weeks later, the more intense phase begins. This is still Base Camp but it's like the final exam, or initiation portion, however you want to look at it. Once again, the seniors gather up the freshman who came to the party a few weeks prior. They meet somewhere at their school and prepare for the first test.

First Step

Physical Training. The seniors have the freshman stand side by side, with their arms on each others shoulders. They must sit and stand up simultaneously for however many reps the seniors deem necessary; Also there is duck stepping. To duck step, you must be in a crouched position, you grasp your ear lobes and walk; it looks a duck. along with learning the FM. This is very hard, some girls cry due to the pain. The seniors observe the process, passing and failing as they see fit. If you fail, you do it until it's done right. Once you do it right, the seniors split everyone up into teams, usually teams of seven or eight people.

In case you were wondering...

Second Step

Afterwards, everyone goes to the mountains and does the"second step" - shouting the field manual. For the first step there are four or five seniors who evaluate the freshman's performance. If they don't pass, they have to go back to physical training (pt) until they pass the first step.

Third Step

The third step requires freshman to sing their anthem, a unique song to this major. There are seniors on the third step who show the song to the freshman only once. The freshman must sing that song, if they don't do it well they must go back to the second step.

Fourth Step

The next step, fouth, is the drinking step. Seniors give each team two bottles of soju and they have to drink all the soju. The important part is after they drink the soju. The seniors check to see if they drank it all so they tip the bottle. If soju comes out, the freshman have to drink two more bottles of soju until they don't drip.

Soju is an interesting alcohol so I'll be making a post about it someday. The short and sweet explanation about soju is that it's potato or rice alcohol which is anywhere between 18.5% to 20.5%. At least, that's whats most widely available. So, it doesn't take too long to get sloppy if your team can't drink every ounce of the potent potable. Once you've drank it all, you win...

A Trip to the Fifth Step

At this point most of the freshman are now buzzed or drunk, but that doesn't stop the seniors from laying newspapers on the ground. The freshman, in their groups, all have to stand within the area of a newspaper. The men usually carry girls piggy back so they can all fit. They also usually stand on one foot. Once they fill the area of the paper, they must hold that position for 10 seconds. It's got to be tough, especially if your team blew it on the Fourth Step! The seniors are more lenient this time around and do not punish the freshman for falling off the newspaper due to their drunkenness, they simply have to complete the challenge.

Final Step

This is it, home free! Everyone is really tired and they start getting cranky around this point. So, the seniors offer words of encouragement and praise letting them know that this last part is the easiest and final trial they will face. For this part, the seniors stand at the base of the mountain while the freshman climb to a much higher point. They don't go to the summit but they go fairly high. Once there, they scream obscenities to the seniors presiding below them. They shout terrible things, usually stuff involving bodily harm. Miss Korea would not say much on the bad language front, unfortunately. You'd be surprised how averse Koreans are to using bad language. They treat it almost as if, the words were bad! Go figure. Something to keep in mind, the seniors must listen to all the abuse!

As soon as the freshman get all the stress and rage out of their systems, they descend the mountain and once again get a lot of praise. Then, they all go out for chicken and beer and live happily ever after.

Traditional Village. With white people in it!

2010-03-21T05:35:00.000-07:00

It was a cold, muddy day, but we trudged through the place like it was foreign.

If only I had the common sense to post things as they happen, I wouldn't be at a loss for what exactly occurred that day. I was there about a month or two ago so some of the details have been lost in that mushy thing between my ears. I'll do my best.

It was freezing and that's no understatement! One of the things I do remember was that my fingers, toes and most bodily functions were turned off due to the temperature. Still, it was interesting! The cold kept the performances away, which was a bummer but at least we got to see cow.

We were told we could feed it! The feed is a lie.

Ah yes, the majestic cow. What Korean village would be complete without it? Sadly, I was told we would be able to feed it! At the time, that sounded like an awesome idea and I was psyched to do it. However, life is cruel and we were not able to feed cow. WHYYYYYYY!!!!!?????

After the initial disappointment, we trekked on and saw a few more interesting things.

Like this lady making bricks of bean paste (I think...)

Also, a very similar lady studying. Hey, now I know why studying is so popular! Who'd a though?

Then it struck. The bathroom was all the way at the front of the village, outside the main gate. What is a man to do when he is so far away form civilization? Well, do things traditionally of course!

Never has accuracy factored into a mans bathroom habits as much as now.

Man, a bowel movement sure does work up thirst for labor! It's off to the farmer's to get some work done.

"Work, Work!" The Peons declared.

Smashing grain is a laborious task. I'm not even sure what type of the grain the farmer put in there, but it was hard as diamonds. This called for drastic measures, especially since the cold as already having detrimental effects on my grinding buddy.

Farming like a rock, farming like a rockstar.

The heavy machinery of the village. Need to smash grain in an eighth of the time? Do it using this thing. I have no idea what it's called but you had to lean back and forth to make it go up and down. It took a second to figure out but luckily my blue collar genes kicked in.

It's hard to work without energy and it's hard to have energy without food, so we fast tracked it over to the rich guys house to eat some rice cakes!

Tasty, tasty, 떡

Before we ate, I paid a model to take a picture with the messy rice cakes. For advertising purposes of course, then we chowed down and took a look around Rich Uncle Penny-bags manor. It was quite nice when compared to the farmer's shack.

A wealthy man's manor. Sadly, I don't have many pictures of it.

Rice cakes are delicious but the traditional ones are really hard to eat. They are like the Big Macs of Korean food when it comes to sloppiness. Food is good and all, but now we have to relax so everything can settle and digest. A nice walk will do the trick and maybe a little play time.

The river was quite nice despite the frigid temperature. Tranquility!

Technology at it's finest.

Even the scenic route has it's perils.

The Korean See Saw. I wonder what our school district would think of it. They didn't like the ones where you sat down.

Time to let the stress out! Playtime! This Korean See Saw is what kids without a trampoline would dream of. It wouldn't be hard to make one by yourself in your backyard either! All you have to do is have two people stand on either end and have one person jump. As that person comes down the other person must jump. Do this in the same order and eventually you will get so airborn you'll begin to freak. I had a video of this and I did get crazy air but I can't fine it now. Maybe if I come across it I'll post it up for kicks.

We weren't done having fun yet, next was the Korean Swing!

What is it with Korean versions of things forcing people to stand?

Last but not least, Korean Darts!

Forget the bar or the basement. Put out a vase, get some sticks and have fun!

This one is really simple. Stand at the marker, thrown the sticks into the vase. Done. Rinse and repeat. There you have it, Korean Darts.

It was an action packed day or at least that's what I remember. If I could only remember more! Anyways, I went home, got in bed and had a nightmare about The Grudge. Scary!

OMG WAKE UP! IT'S THE GIRL FROM THE GRUDGE!!!

Doin' it Raw and Chewy

2010-03-21T03:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally did it. Sashimi, that is.

I'll let the pictures do most of the talking below the cut.

Wikipedia describes it best, mainly because it's very accurate.

It was weird to say the least, but a good experience nonetheless. I can't remember all the seafood that was there, however, the ones I do remember were: "Sea Squirt," (not sure if that's the right name for it. It's what Seohee called it anyway.), Penis fish - no joke, Sea Cucumber, Flounder and maybe Red Snapper.

Korean Penis Fish cut up....

Korean Penis Fish whole...no comment.

We had dips which consisted of Wasabi and soy sauce along with what James and I deemed, "Delicious Sauce" - a mystery combonation of red pepper paste, sugar and other mysterious ingredients which had a sweet yet slightly spicy flavor. It made everything at the table edible at some level for me. Put some soju in the mix and you have a very filling dinner!

Did you say, "I gotta take a deuce?"

2010-01-24T10:29:00.000-08:00

This video is a "sitcom" about the three of us discussing the DE Christmas Party, the day after it happened. It may not be too funny for some of your guys since there is a fair bit of in-jokes but you might find it interesting.

The Direct English Christmas Video

The ash tray is fillin' up. Let's drop a deuce and get outta here.

Apgujeong Dangerous

2010-01-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

Our wrecked transport. Peril ensues.

The following is a log from Tactical Officer Boyd upon being rescued by the staff of Crazy Bar:

We took a transport into Apgujeong. The traffic was heavy. The pilot switched lanes like a mad man and the two men in the backseat were hysterical - laughing at everything; the fear of death ran hot in their minds, driving them crazy. Our navigator in the passenger seat stood firm, however, tired. Upon nearing our destination, karma had caught up with the belligerent transporter, who poked and prodded our navigator as to why she would travel with foreigners. As we climbed out of the wreckage, I could see the geyser which sprang out of the ground and the fire hydrant which kept it at bay about fifteen meters away. The transporter died but Myself, James and Seohee survived. We needed food if we were going to find our way home....

Tactical Officer Boyd before the events which transpired.

....luckily we were in a well populated, rich part of Neo-Seoul. Food wouldn't be hard to come by despite our injuries. James, the science officer among us, used his medical tricorder to heal our wounds. Seohee's gash across her face and broken collar bone mended in minutes. My mortal wound reversed itself, right before my eyes. However, the energy cell on the tricorder had faded and James was unable to heal himself. Seohee acted fast, like a Navigator should, and found a place of great healing power. We rushed James there. It is said the food served in this building has a supernatural ability to heal wounds. We had no idea but we tried anyway. The meal was called "o gib sal." It consisted of grilling pork belly, on the table in front of us. Served with the main course was Kim Chi, a Korean soup, a bowl of ice water with cold pickled radishes and plain Kim Chi, Kimchi Jjigae and some other unidentified dishes. Hopefully, Seohee the navigator will see this message and comment on it's contents as I am still suffering minor bouts of amnesia from the collision.

After eating, James's wounds began to heal miraculously. Typically, this healing meal would cost a small fortune, the owners took pity on us forginers to Neo Seoul and only charged us 50,000 won but we needed to find the other places of healing to complete the process. The first being a Japanese Pub and the second a beer bar. We walked outside and ground zero was just barely visible, some ways down the road; Water droplets from the geyser created a small rainbow. The beauty of the rainbow distracted us from the ugly journey which loomed. With no GPS to assist our navigator, she had to rely on her wits alone to find these places of power; The sun was setting.

The Galleria. Could this be our last time to scoff at high prices? Only God knew that answer.

Upon night fall, cold air jumped on our backs and slowed us down. There was no shaking the temperature. We found the shopping district called the Galleria and another unnamed mall adjacent to it. We investigated not only to warm up but also in hopes of finding aid for James. The Galleria glistened as we came closer. It was decorated in massive LED lighting which would change colors and create holiday shapes. The question was: Is this our oasis in the desert or simply a mirage?

Seohee had an intimate knowledge of what lie ahead. She guided us looking for a sign of our destination. As we perused the complex, the merchants inside demoralized us with their insanely high prices and exquisite customer service. Each merchant would greet and attend our every need even though our interest was not in material goods but the life of a crew member. They couldn't understand. We made it up to the fourth level, through there was an onslaught of salesman attemping to sell us shirts for 300,000 or children's shoes for 190,000 Won. Sadly, we found no sign of what we were looking for. We had to escape. The sheer number of merchants was becoming too great! They were starting to use their mind control on me as I began to browse through a collection of ties at an Armani store. James, using what little strength he had left, snapped me out of it as we followed Seohee out of the Ocean of meaningless sale prices. We paused to catch our breath but we continued to move on.

Our Science Officer was fading fast. If we didn't treat him with the next part of the healing process soon then he would surly perish. Frantically searching, The Navigator took us up large hillsides, down treacherous slopes and through shady corridors. Until finally, she realized we had found the Japanese pub. We ran in, desperately but the host forced us to take our time as he showed us to our seats. James sat next to me and Seohee across the table. This time we had to order Chinese style fried shrimp with a sweet yet spicy chili sauce, fried mandoo, Korean bean sprout soup, beer which supposedly tasted like strawberries according to our science officer (his sense of taste was clearly inhibited from the accident, it was normal Belgian tasting beer, though made in Japan.) a fried egg and 500 cc of cold sake.

The shrimp had not yet arrived but we began the healing ritual as soon as possible.

We began the healing straight away. We were still full from our previous healing meal, however we had to keep eating to encourage James. While the healing was taking place, he kept talking about wanting to eat donuts. Seohee and I couldn't understand his aberrance. We couldn't focus on trivial matters such as those however, and we continued to eat and drink until it was all gone. To complete the process, I had a few cigarettes and we all exchanged childhood stories which focused on mailboxes, which we used before the invention of diminutive matter transporters. Seohee posed for a picture and James made his criminal face. Now that part two was completed, we headed out.

Our fearless navigator wanted this snapshot deleted. You can tell she wasn't thinking straight from all the navigating she had been doing.

Once he made the criminal face, we knew he was getting back to good health.

The hardest part of the journey laid before us. We had to try and backtrack as Seohee made an error in the position of the last place of healing. James was noticeably better but he still only had minutes to live. Joining the cold was the wind this time around. They both fancied watching us shivering in agony. It was too much to bear. We had to stop for a few seconds; somewhere warm. There was an underground hide out called, Ann's Bar, we headed there. The stairs down were dank and dreary. The floor, walls and ceiling were made with concrete and it stank of mold. At the base of the steps was the entrance into Ann's lair. The place was illuminated with eerie blue lights and was clearly sponsored by Glenfiddich. We were the only souls there. It was quiet, too quiet. A barmaid stood welcoming us but I saw the phaser tucked between her cleavage. I made a motion to go and we charged out the door before the barmaid could fire upon us.

We were lost. With no idea where to head, our minds became slushy due to the chill in the air. No longer could we think rationally. This was it, our last days on this earth spent searching for James's cure only to end in failure. There was no telling where we were, we had gone in circles for what seemed like hours. In our final moments though, we managed to stagger into a random place called, "Crazy Bar." It was our only chance. Die in the streets or die hoping this was the right spot. Before entering however, in our moment of delirium, James happened to be filmed in front of "Broner." I have no idea who took this picture but I found it being transferred over an encrypted subspace frequency the other day.

You would have to be delirious to pose for this picture.

Banking on Crazy Bar was, in a sense, crazy. Out of all the places in Apgujeong, there was no chance in hell this would be the third and final place of healing. Stumbling in, the bartenders picked us up and sat us in a booth. The second we sat down, a strange feeling came over us all. The lights dimmed and all of a sudden music from the 90's started to play and the bartenders did a ritualistic healing bottle stunt show from behind the bar. We had found it. James was saved and our brains started to thaw. Thought was once again possible! I was able to realize exactly where we were! There were random objects on the walls that made no sense, sex position signs next to the bathroom, a mannequin with no head yet still wearing a wolf mask. This place really was crazy.

Seohee while at Crazy Bar. Wow, all of us really did lose our minds to the cold. I didn't realize they sold nigger beer! Racists!

Once we were fully healed, the bartenders showed us a video of what they did since we had no way of remembering what actually transpired. Below is the footage.

Once the healing squid was set a flame my speech drastically improved.

After this we were good to go. Our adventure had ended. To bad they didn't get the Alcohol Fire Fountain in the footage.

2009: A Christmas Odyssey

2009-12-27T02:15:00.000-08:00

Duuummmm....Dummmmmmmmmm...Dummmmmmmmmmmm

DA DUMMMMMMMMMMMM

You got it, that's the best way I can describe the yule tide season here in Korea. It's incredibly different, yet, strangely a good idea, for the most part. I had no idea things were going to happen this way so let me document it for you all. It all began in my office...

....when just about every young Korean man and woman asked me, "So do you have a Korean girlfriend yet?" Naturally, I'm such a stud I had to answer in the negative. Why would someone ask me that though? My inquiries gave me a unanimous response, "Because, you don't want to be lonely. It's Christmas!"

That makes a hell of a lot of sense! However, my life in the U.S. led me to believe your family keeps you company during the holidays. Your girl friend or boy friend can too, but it's a time of year which you spend with your family. Seeing your significant other is something you can do at anytime (unless your one of the unlucky people who does the long distance thing...tsk, tsk.) so wouldn't it be common sense to spend time with the people you grew up with and the couple that brought you into this world?

The current generation of Korean's disagree. To them, it's a time to take your girlfriend (or find one A.S.A.P.), get together with other couples and drink the night away. As a bonus, if you're the adventurous pair then you might hit up a club, dance and continue to drink until even the taxi driver kicks you out of the cab due to your caustic breath. I can't recollect another time when I knew anyone who was wasted on Christmas eve...then I came here.

Expect for this guy...he's defiantly some level of inebriated.

After work, much of Direct English went out for Christmas eve! Being the single, lonely bastards that we are, we started the night on the down low and went out for some chicken and beer. After many, many beers later we were thinking of things to do. Naturally, being in the Christmas spirit, we decided to go to Rainbow Bar.

Oh, yes. Rainbow Bar. This is the only place I can think of where the second you walk in, you don't become a slab of meat for other men. Instead, you instantly become a stoner due to the shadowy lighting and trippy atmosphere. The bar is covered with florescent, freaky posters of Jimi Hendrix, crazy mushroom forests and intense dragons. Black lights only accentuate the white your wearing as well as the dandruff on your shoulders. Each table is low to the ground and has a small, pyramid shaped candle in the center. Sitting at the table was probably the most traditional Korean thing in the entire bar: you had to sit on the floor to do so while your shoes sat checked in at the door. The only difference was we sat on plush pillows a kin to The Love Guru. A picture is worth a thousand words here, too bad I'm a cameraphobe.

This man was everywhere....

The rest of the night was filled with smoking shesha (prior to this experience I called it a hooka or hukka depending on your spelling habits.), downing mixed drinks out of buckets with straws, drinking the occasional beer and light dancing once the crazed DJ began hittin' the tracks. The funny part, no drugs were involved. We were in a place where you would assume everyone was high off their mind, but not a soul was. Oh! and we ate cake. Strange, no?

After the drinking ceased and it was time to go home, it was about 4:00 A.M. Stores all over Gangnam were still open, especially cafes. Now, I didn't think much of this then but the next morning I was perplexed. Why in the world was every cafe storing and showcasing their enormous number of cakes outside on the sidewalk? Once again, I turn to a Korean for the answer. Apparently, they have Christmas Cake here in Korea. Go figure. The funny part, it's a staple for Christmas. For Americans it's weird not to have a Christmas Tree. For Koreans it's weird not to have a Christmas Cake. Unfortunately, I was too hung over to buy one later that day since I woke up at 5:00 P.M. Christmas can do that ya.

You'd see this every twenty yards.

Back to the it's-absolutely-necessary-to-have-a-girlfriend mentality of Christmas, that's no joke. Some Koreans take it hard, really hard. A few of my students expressed deep feelings of depression over the fact that they didn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend for Christmas. It was hard for me to understand and still is. One male student of mind told me how he spent his Christmas away from couples because it got him down all the time. Therefore, he and his friends went down to the local public bath and hung out around naked men for twelve hours. Clearly, he had given up.

Korean is hard to learn?

2009-12-20T04:42:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes it is. Not only because they don't use pronouns or that the whole language is based on the situation your in but, because it makes no sense from a Western POV....your mind will be mildly blown after the break.

While, at times, it seems like this guy dosen't understand what he is saying, he does a pretty good job of telling the viewer how Koreans think when it comes to language.

Could you imagine how tough it would be to never use a pronoun? How would you refer to yourself (or others) without saying some overly long sentence? It would be like writing an abstract for a study, which no one cares to do.

I thought I'd make a small post today since I am once again thrust into the PC cafe since I left my laptop at work. In the next couple days I'll post about the Christmas party we had which the Director of Direct English attended. Let me just say, booze was on the house and in Korea your boss has no issues with challenging you to a chugging competition. This isn't just a Direct English thing. Businesses all over Korea pay for their employees to drink themselves silly!

Pain is beauty...

2009-12-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

...especially when you have to look at it.

Mens fashion in Korea is simply absurd from a western perspective. It's been tough to get good pictures of guys fashion here in the streets so I'll have to settle for the results from a google image search but rest assured I'm posting pics of what a trendy man here dresses like. Keep in mind, these people do what they do which is perfectly fine. I don't look down on Koreans or anything for dressing like this but it's so hard not to think they are openly gay on first glace. Take this one for instance:

I'm no fashion critic nor am I judging Koreans in anyway, however, it has to be said that few Americans would dress this way. Sure, you'll see it here and there and it's more likely to see something like this in a big city, but it's hard to endure. Even a poorly dressed American such as myself would have to agree, there is too much of one color. He reminds me of snow in the sun, blinding. Oh and that coat, ugh. This is a mild case of a trendy man, keep reading to to see what I mean.

You know what else is cool in Seoul? Wearing dress shirts with everything. Koreans have a typical work day from 9 AM to 6 PM, an hour longer than Americans. In many cases, the guys at places like Samsung work 10 hours a day! Why in the world would you ever want to wear a dress shirt when your out having fun after a hard days work? When I worked at Kohl's in High School I couldn't wait to rip off my shirt after working a brisk 4 hour day. Moreover, the sleeveless hoodie is incredibly metro in a way that most metro trendsetters would probably say, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S A NO NO SWEETIE! And PLEASE do something about that hair metro-emo boy." Or at least that's what I'd hope they say. Ya know, speaking of metro...

That right, this is "He's romance hotboom style," ending with a comma. Did you get all that? Their slogans or name of the trend is just like the fashion, confusing. Let's look at the breakdown: dressshirt as a base...check, longsleeve white shirt with sleeves rolled up...check, watch...check, loosened tie...check, purse...che..what the hell? That's right, believe your computer strained eyes, that is a damn purse. You can't even try to lie about it and call it a European man's carry-all either. It's clearly a womans purse. The best part is you can't even make this stuff up. I see men carrying purses everyday. Sure maybe every 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 men might have one but it's a fashion trend which has me completly blown away. Although, it does make at least a little bit of sense. Try carrying tampons in your wallet then tell me you wouldn't want a purse.

Once again dawning the most masculine of accessories, the purse makes a triumphant return to accompany the watch over the sleeve style, interesting looking boots, criminal snow cap, rolled up jean legs and huge glasses. The fashion synergy is blowing my mind like a North Korean A-bomb falling into the sea and completly missing Seoul. This guy is HOT!

There is only one thing I can use to describe my feelings toward trendy Korean styles:

Deck the Halls with Boughs of Nothing; Santa Pissed

2009-12-06T02:18:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is in full swing. Once again, I'm at the local Burger King slumming it up on their wifi. However, around this time of year, all the neat Christmas decorations which tend to cheer me and other white people up are naturally missing....Santa is pissed!

A student had told me the Koreans do in fact celebrate Christmas, except it's a little bit different, so I thought it would be a cool idea to take pictures of the cool Christmas decorations around Korea. The only problem is, they don't have much to speak of. If the people of Korea do celebrate Christmas it isn't too obvious unless your on the main strip in Gangnam. Of the few pictures I took that were interesting, even fewer merit me waiting here for the incredibly slow upload times, so I'll post the most interesting ones.

This made me laugh. I haven't seen a single Christmas tree not even in the huge department stores which line the streets of Gangnam. I find it hilarious that the first thing I see which remotely resembles a Christmas tree is in the shop of a bakery. Not a toy store, designer fashion shop or five star restaurant but a Paris Baguette bakery. The adorned bread tree, as I like to call it, bears gifts of a fermented nature. While stale and strange looking, they should have added a plate filled with sliced bread and a glass of milk on the side just to hit it home. Besides, Santa needs to lay off the fats and have a simple slice of toast instead...fatty!

Obviously not Christmas related, but it probably could have been had they not suffocated the poor thing in a straw jacket. Hell, they could have just strung up some lights around the thing to add some holiday spirit to an otherwise afflicted looking part of town. I'm sure there is a reason for the covering, something akin to wrapping bare bushes in burlap for the winter. Hell, I did it with plumeria flowers back in the day to keep em' safe. However, I only wrapped the roots. Poor, poor, mummy bush. Santa is still pissed.

It's pretty sad when you're forced to take pictures of Dunkin' Donuts advertisements to try and scrape the bottom of the cheer bucket. Upon seeing this Christmas neutral holiday ad for for a cake, I finally realized: Nothing says happy holidays like the ambigious, Dr. Evil finger-smile-but-with-the-wrong-finger pose. They have winter hats on but where are their coats? Maybe they are by a fireplace and are about to get nice and toasty by an open flame just out of sight of the camera while sipping hot cocoa. Man it's tough having to invent your own Christmas scenarios. Speaking of fireplace and toasty, I can imagine myself on Christmas Day waking up, opening a present and making myself a warm and comfy nest on the floor out of blankets with the heated floor cranked up and a cup of ginger tea in hand. Now THAT'S a Korean Christmas! While the thought was good, Santa is still pissed; he begins to have indigestion.

The best yuletide scenery my side of town has to offer. Finally, we have some fake Christmas trees, decorative snow, a lady dressed for the cold in a tutu, a bear with a....what the hell?! THIS IS AWESOME! For those of you who find my camera work a bit shoddy this is a scene with three people in the foreground and a roaring blood thirsty bear in the background with his giant paws in the air brandishing those razor sharp claws - all while looking cute in his scarf. There is one guy on the ground, who is holding his head wearing only the most fashionable holiday wear you can find. The lady next to him is the the one in a tutu, notice how she is holding her head too. However, the best part of this is the guy between the tutu lady and the suave young man. He has NO head! It's gone! The freakin' bear took it off! It's really hard to see but, there is a head on the ground behind them all. Now it all makes sense why they are holding their heads. I give this wintry exhibit a 9/10 because it's so damn funny. I don't think anyone in the States could rival this. My hats off to you Who.A.U. Korean retailer, this is truly the best Christmas scene ever conceived! Santa is still pissed but slightly less. His indigestion is now a full on chest ache he yelps!

Do you see why Santa is yelping now? The poor man was experiencing the Christmas version of an Alien popping out of his chest! The Christmas ignorance that is plaguing this city finally began to materialize itself into the form of a man eating reindeer which incubates itself in the warmest place he could find: Santa's fat ass.

In all honesty, this was the diorama which upped the cheer a little bit. The only true and serious Christmas scene I have come across in Gangnam. The kicker was that I had to go into a huge corporate building and find this in the lobby, hidden away from public sight. It was nice to see something like this in a seemingly Christmas desert. Who knows, maybe the place will go nuts with decorations the closer we get to the 25th so if I find anything else worth posting, I'll be sure to edit! Merry Christmas everyone and pray that Santa lives long enough after his Alien encounter to bring us all presents. If he dies our parents might have to fill in....

They call it 소다

2009-11-29T06:09:00.000-08:00

I'm pleased to find that Koreans refer to soda as, well, soda. Thankfully, the Korean's reject the term "pop," which is fine with me. Sorry Rochester, you lose! More soda stuff below the cut.

Some of you might know of my fondness for the carbonated high fructose corn syrup water, so I thought I'd take a few pictures of the cans of soda I've bought over the last few weeks and put 'em on the blog. I have no idea what some of the flavors are but I'll be doing my best to figure it out. There sure are a lot of exotic flavors compared to back home.

Not much to say about this tasty beverage. Good 'ol DK never let us down. Unless, of course, Mario was after his ass trying to save Donkey Kong's captured damsel. It tastes just like it looks: Sprite. Nothing fancy but cheaper than an actual can of Sprite by about 100 Won.

I have no clue what this is. Seeing as how I still don't have internet at the house I have not had much time to look it up. There was a pungent aroma of coconut as I opened it, though it tasted much stranger than simply a coconut soda. For the sake of classification, the FDA should be aware this drink is in its own flavor classification, "Unnatural coconut flavoring, contains 100% juice."

Now what do you think when you see the name, "Orange Squeeze?" I figured this was a typical can of minute maid. Once you crack that bad boy open however, you begin to realize just how wrong you were. Not only is there carbonation but that orange smell isn't there if you try to get a quick whiff. Strange. The first sip revealed a horrible secret. "Orange Squeeze," must be shorthand for "Squeeze the taste buds off our consumer's tongues." Think of drinking orange soda, however the first few seconds of the first sip, it actually tastes like oranges. Then, the unthinkable happens! The sweet taste of oranges vanishes and is replaced with water. Seriously, this drink tasted like water. I thought this was the worst of the bunch until...

This little beauty fell into my hands, literally. As I was looking for something to drink before my shift, I was pushed into the fridge by a guy who fell onto the ground himself. I caught the can and helped him up and bought the drink, I mean it was fate that this can had come to me - I had to buy it! It looked harmless enough. It looked like off brand soda like RC cola, W cola or even Shasta. I couldn't have been more wrong. Before I reveal the flavor, think about it, what type of soda flavors can you think of? Take a min before reading. Seriously. In that minute I thought of: Cola, lemon-lime, that strange Dr. Pepper flavor, orange, grape, root beer, cream soda, cherry (mmmm, Cheerwine!). I even thought of Ginger Beer and that's not a typical flavor. Brace yourself, this was wheat flavored! WHEAT FLAVORED SODA! Good lord! It's not weak tasting either. The fizzy liquid tasted ever so slightly different than bread. It was a very odd combination of wheat and cola flavors except the wheat flavor was much stronger. Picture yourself as a cow, chewing on wheat in the field. Do yourself a favor and seek this type of soda out. Once you imbibe a bit you will instantly have an appreciation for good soda.

*More to come in the coming weeks, check back!*

Landing: A recollection

2009-11-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

The following is a recollection of events after landing in Incheon Airport and my first impressions. Seriously, this is how it was. I'm not kidding.

We arrived just outside of Seoul on October 21st at exactly 4:15 A.M. As the captain turned off the seat belt sign, I rushed out of my seat toward the front cabin door. I wasn't ready for the environment which laid just beyond. Standing in the doorway, I paused thinking, 'What the hell am I doing here?' and was forcefully pushed outside into the warm air...the mission had begun.

Caution was the name of the game from this point on. We walked down the gate and stopped just before arriving into a holding room. The floor was a shiny black color and it resembled tile though the sound it made against my shoes was more of a metallic thud. Every once and a while the sound would be more hollow, like there was something underneath one of the 3x3 tiles. All of a sudden, sounds of robotics came from one of the hollow tiles! Out popped a man sized mini tactile missle launcher which blew away some poor civilian! I kept walking but now with sweat on my brow.

They were herding us into the customs area we had armed guards with armor escorting us. The biggest guy was smoking a cigar with his visor lifted up. He had a scar on his left cheek spanning from his eye to the corner of his mouth. Occasionally, the cigar smoker would yell at us saying, "Let's go, go, go!" Strangely enough, he only ever said one of five or six lines, the last of which usually made me laugh.

I was next in line to see the customs agent. The line stretched a ways behind me, thankfully I was at the front standing behind a white platform with a red outline. There were three or four lights on the platform that slowly blinked on and off and whenever someone crossed the threshold the blast doors in front of it would open and the machine like customs agent would begin to talk. Finally, it was my turn. Walking onto the platform the door opened and shut behind me. The woman at the counter sounded like a robot. She asked for my passport and checked my visa. Before she handed it back to me she said, "Research complete," in an odd bionic voice. Afterwards, it was as though she had shut down, almost like seeing an animatronic being shut off in mid action. I had no idea where I was, it was a scary place for sure. It had to have been the airport but it had a distinctly Aliens feel to it. There was no ceiling, just large pipes and wires going from point A to point B. Dim lighting and dark colors confused me even more.

Perplexed, I walked into another platform with lights in it and instantly arrived at the exit to the terminal. Now that's service! I was in awe. The terminal was huge. Duty free shops lined the hallways while security guards on motorcycles patrolled from the center. I became faint from hunger and looked around for a place to eat. There was nothing around! The only shops that existed were called, "Bob's Guns." Dizzily, I walked to one of the guys on a motorcycle and tried to ask them where there was a place to eat but before I could say anything he barked, "What do you want?" Frightened, I told him and once again he felt the need to yell back to me, "I don't have time to f*ck around!" and he left there to starve.

The exit lay in front of me. This hunger needed to be curbed until my ride arrived. I took out my pack of smokes and went outside. The landscape was completely foreign to me. Mountains in the backround, dead trees everywhere and the occasional stack of rocks in the distance. I could even see this strange purple grass too that laid out a ways, it looked alive and like animals were fighting on it. As I put the cigarette into my mouth a nice guy came up to me and asked, "You need a light?" Stunned at his manners, I said yes.

Ships landed in front of the airport and waited. Even after my smoke they just sat there. I heard the doors behind me open up and a small army poured out! There was a clamor amongst them. Some shouted, "Order's Captian?" while others screamed, "Standin' by!" They loaded themselves onto the ships and took off.

Korea is one strange place.

Cutting the fat

2009-11-06T22:05:00.000-08:00

Gangnam-Gu is the most expensive and ritzy part of Seoul....

...and that's why I'm using the internet in a Burger King as opposed to a cushy, catered, PC cafe. Sure, the BK lounge here is well kept but, it's loud and the smell hardens my arteries. Could be worse. At the least the internet is free so I can actually post something!

Until I get my alien registration card this coming week, I won't be able to get internet access in my house. Therefore, I'm not going to be bothering with uploading pictures and what not till that god like card comes in the mail. The food is fast but the interwebz is about as slow as Twilight, which happens to be plastered as an advertisement on my tray.

I'm finally in my house though, so at least I have a place to sleep. Yes, it was really nice for a few days after the move in. No bed, blankets, pillows, nothing. Except for the heated floor, I did have that and it came in handy. Then it got too hot and I didn't know how to turn the heated floor down. Maybe it wasn't such a great housewarming after all. You'd be surprised how hard it is to find bedding and a bed here. Unless you know where to look, you're shit out of luck because they are tucked away in tiny little backstreets where cars have free reign and you have to watch yourself from getting splattered on the windshield. Yes, cars drive on the sidewalks frequently here.

They have places like wal-mart but they are called e-marts. Not entirely sure why though. Maybe one day I can find this product mecca and finish furnishing my house at rollback prices as opposed to the swine size ones I've been paying.

They eat lot's of weird stuff here, cheap stuff (which I have to live off of for a while), from the American perspective of course. For instance, they love waffles for a snack or dessert. Not too strange. Until you bite into some of them, the fish shaped ones that is. They are filled with.......wait for it......KIDNEY BEANS. I'm not a person to judge their taste but I was caught by surprise. The little waffle fish was nice and fluffy, it had chocolate chips in it and of course, kidney beans in the middle. Other cheap stuff I've been eating are Kim Bab (think sushi - but no fish in the middle. Usually some kind of spicy meat, yes the dreaded mystery meat.), and the rest I don't know what it's called. Typically it's street food, like fried sweet potatoes, some kind of breaded squid or octopus (which i eat fast. Be sure to chew thoroughly) and stuffed chili peppers.

Despite having little money to go around for the first month, I'm having a great time. I've met lots of people and been out to a few places where good times ensued. Not this week though, I don't have the exorbitant amounts of cash to get into a club. That price being about 10,000 Won - almost 10 bucks for a cover. I'd rather shove my finger in a wall outlet than pay that.

My time is almost up here. According to my new way of telling time (how many white people have walked into the Burger King - right now it's been about 6. Typically I notice that they come in once every 5-10 minutes whereas in other places they never come in at all.) I need to hike it back to my place and meet up with my roomie. We're on a quest. With swords in our hand and our bodies adorned in plate armor we set out for the might e mart. Meanwhile, the tens of thousands of marines stationed here have their trigger fingers on the ready. It's ok, I'll just quickload if we screw up.

Blog's are gay....

2009-10-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

...and really, it's hard to disagree - but I need one now, so hit the jump for more info...

I still ascertain that social networking, for the most part, is lame. However, I've stooped to the blogosphere so I don't have to tell the same story to my friends and relatives a million times over. If you've ever had ten to fifteen phone calls in a day where each person asked, "What's going on," or "Anything new?" then you can realize why this necessary evil has been adopted.

A lot of people ask me though, "Why do you want to go to Korea?" Honestly, I don't have an answer for you - it just seemed like the right thing to do. When I figure out why I came here as opposed to getting a job in New York City, Boston or my beloved state of Florida be sure to read the blog because I'm sure it will be a doosey.

While I'm in Korea I will miss everyone. Therefore, it's important to keep in touch!

Skype: Bildo2020
AIM: Calciqueboyd
Facebook: Bill Boyd

I'll be posting every day or two so if you want to know what's going on add this to your favorites! Pictures, interesting stories, ponderings and other fine happenings will make their way to the interwebz so stay tuned!